kelly-capricorn

My friend just didn't listen no matter what i sed I DID NOT HOOK UP with JME!!! Guys can't seem to trust girls if their friend tell him the story and even the story itself is not true. I am very mad and disappointed and i srsly wanna tell Alex's gf that he has been cheating on her but again, i shouldn't. I would never wanna betray Sam and would never wanna hurt Alex's gf and would never want Alex to face it if he actually has been trying to stay loyal But i really don't know why Alex sed that to Sam and even Jme sed he only took my HAT and i had that sms on my iphone but Sam didn't trust me.

It is just annoying and i actually felt so bad that i wrote on fb and far out, only deleted Sam on 1 fb and didn't delete the other one and he sed i was trying to fuking seek attention. Why can't he see how i was trying to help him because he is so nice to his friends and his friends are so mean to him? He told me his friends are mean, i didn't say these things. On the other hand, Sam doesn't have anything for me to dig anyways, i aint gold digger but he doesn't make sense.

Gosh, your friend knew you for 11 years but it doesn't change the fact that he didn't see it right, darling and i do hope Alex could try to stay loyal to his gf now. Of course, his gf wouldn't trust me but she will definitely have doubt in this relationship with him and nah, it is not good. Everyone deserves a second chance and Sam sed he has been trying to be good so God bless him.

This world is unfair but what can i say? One day, we all gonna meet each other elsewhere, heaven or hell or wherever and we sure will find out what actually happened. Wake up, Sam! you are so nice! why do you let people bad influence you? the worst part is to tell me that i was doing sh7t and pretending to be mature and innocent. Of course, i am not innocent. I am 22 but this case with JME, I AM! However, so many cases where guys dont trust girls anyways and this time, i stand too strong so everything broke apart. I don't regret tho but it is hard to find a loyal friend like Sam these days! Choosing mates is hard aye? old friends , stop letting Sam down.

I can't  be bothered doing anything or having any connection with them. Sam and i dont talk anymore and he seems to hate me anyways and all good but i believe one day, he will come to his senses and walk bk to this world with more reliable and trustworthy friends who could fight for him like how much he loves and fight for them.

Sometimes just a smile on our face,

Can help to make this world a better place.

Stand up for the things that are right.

Try to talk things out instead of fight.

Lend a hand when you can, get involved this is good.

You can help to make a difference in your neighborhood.

-- Robert Alan

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate now knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.

A friend who cares is like a seed you have to plan for years and sometimes, that friend might not even tell you the truth. I was hurt once i found out a friend of mine said he had a twin brother and i trusted him for 3 years and later, knew the truth from his friend that he was kidding. K is an amazing friend and the best friend i eva had. Unlike other, i could really tell him how to feel and i could really cry out loud and tell him about my fears and worries. Throughout the last 3 years, i couldn't remember how many time he was there for me when i needed someone to talk to. I could tell him how depressed i was when dad passed away. I could tell him how hopeless i was when other ppl seem to be mean. I could tell him a lot of things. During the week of being mad with him cuz of his simple lie, i recalled how much he cared for me as a friend and i am ashamed of being mad over a little lie that wouldn't hurt anyone. I am so lucky to have such a friend like K.

On the other hand, i have another nice friend that i recently met and believe it or not, he is the best among his group of friends whom i try not to stay close with. First impression with him was good because of his smile and politeness and friendliness and everything went great till one day, misunderstanding occurred. I finally opened up myself a bit and troubles came and challenged me. I am sensitive and i can lose anything but face. Everything has its bad and good side and perhaps, God loved me so much that he would give me this challenge to let this friendship goes.

Despite the fact that he did hurt my feeling, i knew he was upset because of what his friends sed about me and i was offended and cried myself a river. It is a girl thing when someone sed such things and they werent true in my memory. However,  you can't get back the words you said, the life you lived, the time you wasted and the opportunities you missed. Words with healing power would heal someone's soul or words would kill a person better and faster than a bullet. He didn't know how bad it was because he isn't me and i can't blame him. We talked but i found out how his friends were very different but seriously, if i was him, i would trust my friends too since i knew them ages ago. Man loves their friends and it was my fault to miss that point however, my bad temper wasn't controlled when it came to sensitive issues and since i stopped going out and drinking ways before i met him, i couldn't control myself.

Maybe it was my fault to not remember that story when my mind was tipsy ages ago since i couldn't remember. However, it wouldn't be my fault when i was at the coffee and his 2 friends were fully telling me how nice this guy called B was and stuffs " he is a good boi, make good bf, blah blah blah". Perhaps, it was my fault again since i couldn't adapt to their way of introducing friends and stuffs but it was pretty much weird and uncomfortable and FORTUNATELY, B sed those 2 friends didn't say such things. I was speechless and all i could do was to cry it out but i didn't feel any better. Even now, i don't blame him for being like that but i blamed myself for knowing these situations but didn't stay away from it. At the end, i would just cause troubles for this friend if i push it hard to review the truth because it would mean his friends were liars and he knew them for 10 years and knew me for 1 months. Easy maths!

The truth isn't important anymore since i would be losing this battle either going harder or staying behind. I figured no matter how much he dislike his group, they are still his friends who he spent his childhood with and it is unfair to risk it with the friendship recently formed. Even we could get over this issue, so what? he will probly be in the middle again and noone is happy so yeah, all i want is for him to be happy. He is a great boi who loves his family and his parents and his siblings. He respects others and he is nice and friendly. He has lots of things to worry about so staying away from him is probly the only way to save him and i just don't know how to face him later when my mind is filled up with doubt about what i did which i couldn't remember.

I know who i am today and for a moment, he made me feel like i have been putting on a mask and patronising other people. I was one of them because i was young and i went out and i drank and i got tipsy and i hugged and kissed but i wouldn't do such things when i am awake. Ever since i stopped drinking crazily, i dont even do such things in club but only friends who knew me for years would know. I can't expect him to know this for himself. There is negativity in this friendship and troubles and stuffs, no point to keep a friend trapped in troubles. We are different. Different world, different life, different attitude, different personality, different friends and network and now, we lose trust so there is pretty much no connection between us anymore.

I hope God will bless him through and he will have his biz running well and will be able to save up for a house so his parents could enjoy a peaceful life. I hope he will be successful among his friends so noone would look down on him. I wish the best for him. One of the hardest lesson i learn but , SMILE IT AWAY.. Cried enough!

I am listening to this song - it is called " Dance with my father" Sang by Celine Dion and apparently, i am loving to the max. I love my father who passed away 2 years ago and believe me, my heart was shattered and the universe fell apart. I havent cried for a long time because i cried too much bk then but recently, i have been crying for him. 

Life is a journey of happiness, sadness, bitterness and loneliness and everyone of us is out there waitin for LOVE. I know heaps of people don't believe in it but for me, Love has played a big part in my life. The unconditional love that i got my my dada has encouraged me to live on and if i could have a final dance with him, i'd play a song that would never end and if i could have a wish, i would wish he could come back to me and my mom. It is so hard to believe that the love is always here and you are gone, daddy. I love you heaps. 

I think i have made a mistake, Daddy. i was mistaken Love and Like in the sense that i might have lost an important chance to be with this guy who i think he is very caring and sweet but you know what, i wont just stay and hope for a change because i wont let any guys walk all over me. However, i dunno if i have made a right decision to just leave the guy i actually have a little feeling for but i guess if he doesnt come back as he srsly doesnt, he isnt the one for me. All i can say is to forgive myself and stand up and live happily. I look at the girl in the mirror and i realise how beautiful she is and how hurt she would be if i dont forgive her. I might make mistake but it is all good. The universe will bring him bk if he is the one or it will bring me something better. 

I kno i could be very positive at time but give me wisdom and strength to live happily, Daddy. I love and miss you and i blame you for making me this way. I blame you for making me become a girl who is TOO STRONG from the outside but longs waiting for someone to protect me but noone. HAHAHAH --- hence, you have to always be with me - I love love love and miss miss miss you.

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