Sunday 29 march 2009
7
29
/03
/Mar
/2009
04:57
Sometimes, a min of delight and happiness could follow by sad and miserable feeling!
Last Thursday, I went to see my counsellor and we had around 30 mins talk. No doubt, i expressed myself to the fullness and yeah, we didnt even have enough time to finish up everything but i know there has been lots of problems that i sorta refuse to solve or perhaps, cant solve it myself!
I am a perfectionist who knows i could achieve everything only if i get off my arse and do it but my fear of failure always hides somewhere in the bottom of my heart and yeah, results of procrastination! However, i have been doing kinda wellz in the last 3 weeks and i start being lazy but NO, i am studying now but i decide to write something to let my frustration and unhappiness out.
Wayne sed that it is understandable that i cant take things easy cuz i have been through lots. What he sed did make me think for bit. Yeah, he is so right --- i have lied to myself that i am over it now and i am extremely happy but no, i aint. If i am alrite, i would be able to take everything easy. I would be able to let things go. I would be able to say, " no, i dont like it or i dont care" but i just cant. Even sometimes, i sed i dont care, i just dont mean it at all.
Sometimes, i actually try to find out why i am so emotional and why i take everything so seriously. Trust me, if u say u hate me, even u mean it or not, i take it as u hate me. Even my friends ask me to ignore a guy that i used to like but i thnk it is ridiculous to do so but on the other hands, perhaps, i still like him as a friend and i still hope that we can just be friends like we used to be but guess not!! He avoided to drive me home and stuffs or maybe i am just over-thinking again, or wateva but yeah, he used to be very nice and gentle. He wouldnt leave me in the middle of nowhere but he could now. I would have ignored that and just moved on but something holds me back and waits for my old buddy to come back. Perhaps, he will be alrite if he knows i have a bf so better off, finding myself a bf asap !!! ( coughing** joke**)
He was the one who cheered me up when i needed someone but now, he is like this. We still talk on msn and stuffs, but i aint dumb!! I might be very sensitive but i know there is a boundary between us now and yeah, perhaps, it was not a good idea to tell someone how you feel but wellz, this is life! PPL come and go! Friends come and go! Weak person cant endure till the end so yeah, gotta be strong. I srsly hope that i would have more friends like him ( as in who he used to be). Someone who could take me out when i am upset instead of ... sigh** . Someone who doesnt need to say a thing, just spend time with me, relaxing , at the beach or just ride a bike around with me... I just wanna feel that i aint alone and i am cared but wellz, cousin is right! U cant have everything you want!! I basically dont expect that either!
Ivan, you are right. I do need someone to just back me up!! But , i will definitely be alrite even right now i feel like crap! Wasting my weekend, sleeping and eating!!! sigh**
CHeer up, KELLY
Last Thursday, I went to see my counsellor and we had around 30 mins talk. No doubt, i expressed myself to the fullness and yeah, we didnt even have enough time to finish up everything but i know there has been lots of problems that i sorta refuse to solve or perhaps, cant solve it myself!
I am a perfectionist who knows i could achieve everything only if i get off my arse and do it but my fear of failure always hides somewhere in the bottom of my heart and yeah, results of procrastination! However, i have been doing kinda wellz in the last 3 weeks and i start being lazy but NO, i am studying now but i decide to write something to let my frustration and unhappiness out.
Wayne sed that it is understandable that i cant take things easy cuz i have been through lots. What he sed did make me think for bit. Yeah, he is so right --- i have lied to myself that i am over it now and i am extremely happy but no, i aint. If i am alrite, i would be able to take everything easy. I would be able to let things go. I would be able to say, " no, i dont like it or i dont care" but i just cant. Even sometimes, i sed i dont care, i just dont mean it at all.
Sometimes, i actually try to find out why i am so emotional and why i take everything so seriously. Trust me, if u say u hate me, even u mean it or not, i take it as u hate me. Even my friends ask me to ignore a guy that i used to like but i thnk it is ridiculous to do so but on the other hands, perhaps, i still like him as a friend and i still hope that we can just be friends like we used to be but guess not!! He avoided to drive me home and stuffs or maybe i am just over-thinking again, or wateva but yeah, he used to be very nice and gentle. He wouldnt leave me in the middle of nowhere but he could now. I would have ignored that and just moved on but something holds me back and waits for my old buddy to come back. Perhaps, he will be alrite if he knows i have a bf so better off, finding myself a bf asap !!! ( coughing** joke**)
He was the one who cheered me up when i needed someone but now, he is like this. We still talk on msn and stuffs, but i aint dumb!! I might be very sensitive but i know there is a boundary between us now and yeah, perhaps, it was not a good idea to tell someone how you feel but wellz, this is life! PPL come and go! Friends come and go! Weak person cant endure till the end so yeah, gotta be strong. I srsly hope that i would have more friends like him ( as in who he used to be). Someone who could take me out when i am upset instead of ... sigh** . Someone who doesnt need to say a thing, just spend time with me, relaxing , at the beach or just ride a bike around with me... I just wanna feel that i aint alone and i am cared but wellz, cousin is right! U cant have everything you want!! I basically dont expect that either!
Ivan, you are right. I do need someone to just back me up!! But , i will definitely be alrite even right now i feel like crap! Wasting my weekend, sleeping and eating!!! sigh**
CHeer up, KELLY
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