“words create lies, but pain can be trusted”

Sometimes just a smile on our face,

Can help to make this world a better place.

Stand up for the things that are right.

Try to talk things out instead of fight.

Lend a hand when you can, get involved this is good.

You can help to make a difference in your neighborhood.

-- Robert Alan

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate now knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.

A friend who cares is like a seed you have to plan for years and sometimes, that friend might not even tell you the truth. I was hurt once i found out a friend of mine said he had a twin brother and i trusted him for 3 years and later, knew the truth from his friend that he was kidding. K is an amazing friend and the best friend i eva had. Unlike other, i could really tell him how to feel and i could really cry out loud and tell him about my fears and worries. Throughout the last 3 years, i couldn't remember how many time he was there for me when i needed someone to talk to. I could tell him how depressed i was when dad passed away. I could tell him how hopeless i was when other ppl seem to be mean. I could tell him a lot of things. During the week of being mad with him cuz of his simple lie, i recalled how much he cared for me as a friend and i am ashamed of being mad over a little lie that wouldn't hurt anyone. I am so lucky to have such a friend like K.

On the other hand, i have another nice friend that i recently met and believe it or not, he is the best among his group of friends whom i try not to stay close with. First impression with him was good because of his smile and politeness and friendliness and everything went great till one day, misunderstanding occurred. I finally opened up myself a bit and troubles came and challenged me. I am sensitive and i can lose anything but face. Everything has its bad and good side and perhaps, God loved me so much that he would give me this challenge to let this friendship goes.

Despite the fact that he did hurt my feeling, i knew he was upset because of what his friends sed about me and i was offended and cried myself a river. It is a girl thing when someone sed such things and they werent true in my memory. However,  you can't get back the words you said, the life you lived, the time you wasted and the opportunities you missed. Words with healing power would heal someone's soul or words would kill a person better and faster than a bullet. He didn't know how bad it was because he isn't me and i can't blame him. We talked but i found out how his friends were very different but seriously, if i was him, i would trust my friends too since i knew them ages ago. Man loves their friends and it was my fault to miss that point however, my bad temper wasn't controlled when it came to sensitive issues and since i stopped going out and drinking ways before i met him, i couldn't control myself.

Maybe it was my fault to not remember that story when my mind was tipsy ages ago since i couldn't remember. However, it wouldn't be my fault when i was at the coffee and his 2 friends were fully telling me how nice this guy called B was and stuffs " he is a good boi, make good bf, blah blah blah". Perhaps, it was my fault again since i couldn't adapt to their way of introducing friends and stuffs but it was pretty much weird and uncomfortable and FORTUNATELY, B sed those 2 friends didn't say such things. I was speechless and all i could do was to cry it out but i didn't feel any better. Even now, i don't blame him for being like that but i blamed myself for knowing these situations but didn't stay away from it. At the end, i would just cause troubles for this friend if i push it hard to review the truth because it would mean his friends were liars and he knew them for 10 years and knew me for 1 months. Easy maths!

The truth isn't important anymore since i would be losing this battle either going harder or staying behind. I figured no matter how much he dislike his group, they are still his friends who he spent his childhood with and it is unfair to risk it with the friendship recently formed. Even we could get over this issue, so what? he will probly be in the middle again and noone is happy so yeah, all i want is for him to be happy. He is a great boi who loves his family and his parents and his siblings. He respects others and he is nice and friendly. He has lots of things to worry about so staying away from him is probly the only way to save him and i just don't know how to face him later when my mind is filled up with doubt about what i did which i couldn't remember.

I know who i am today and for a moment, he made me feel like i have been putting on a mask and patronising other people. I was one of them because i was young and i went out and i drank and i got tipsy and i hugged and kissed but i wouldn't do such things when i am awake. Ever since i stopped drinking crazily, i dont even do such things in club but only friends who knew me for years would know. I can't expect him to know this for himself. There is negativity in this friendship and troubles and stuffs, no point to keep a friend trapped in troubles. We are different. Different world, different life, different attitude, different personality, different friends and network and now, we lose trust so there is pretty much no connection between us anymore.

I hope God will bless him through and he will have his biz running well and will be able to save up for a house so his parents could enjoy a peaceful life. I hope he will be successful among his friends so noone would look down on him. I wish the best for him. One of the hardest lesson i learn but , SMILE IT AWAY.. Cried enough!